A story of two best friends and a case of breast cancer...

On Friday the 23rd of July I recieved one of the worst phone calls of my life. It was my best friend of 20 years telling me that she just talked to her doctor and he told her that she has breast cancer. I will never forget the fear in her voice when she called me. My stomach fell into my bottom and I felt like I needed to throw up. The tears started rolling down my face and I told her that she would be just fine and that she would beat it. That no matter what, I was going to be right there beside her to help her through all of it. She then went on to tell me that they didn't have any ideas what stage it was in or the correct name for it and that we would find out on her appointment on Monday July 26th. She said that her appointment was at 6:40 am and that is when I needed to meet her and her husband at the Mercy Medical Center in Bentonville. So thinking about her all weekend and what the outcome was going to be, I was so happy to see her and give her a hug when I got to the clinic for her appointment. She then was called back into the room and Kelsey, her husband, and I sat for about 2 hours waiting for her to get out so we could know what was going on. We were then called back into a patients room and were given the news. The nurse told us that she has a cancer that is called Ductal Carcinoma and Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. They are two types of cancer and she had a combo of both. The nurse then proceeded to tell us that we caught it in the early stages and with God's healing hands she will power right through and beat this cancer. The nurse was very nice and told Tina to call her anytime with any question. She then told us that Tina would have to have an MRI in the morning (7/27/10) to make sure that the cancer hasn't spread to any other places. Then after getting the results from the MRI we will have an appointment with the doctor to see what the options are. Our appointment to see the surgeron is Friday at 11:30. I will post the results as soon as we see the surgeon. Thank you for praying for her. God bless...

Big boy and big girl!!!

Well I am very sad to say that my two babies Gage and Trinity are no long babies. Sniff, sniff... We offically put their big kid beds into their bedrooms and moved their cribs out. We let them be a part of the process so that they could understand why we were taking out their cribs and moving in their big kid beds. They thought that it was cool and were excited. We put Trinny in her bed and she laid right down and is now in bed and is talking and singing to herself. So sweet... Gage on the other hand was put in his big boy bed and has gotten up several times. 6 to exact. :) He got up the first 3 times and thought that it was funny. After the 4th time of being put back into his big boy bed, he got upset. He started crying and got up a few more times but after the last time daddy put him back to bed, he has decided to stay in his room. He isn't crying anymore but who knows if he is laying down b/c we don't dare to go in there or he will start crying again. It is 8:45 right now and I am going to go check on both Gage and Trinny in about 30 minutes. Hopefully they will both be fast asleep. If anyone out there has been through this before, I feel for you. It totally breaks my heart thinking that my sweet, beautiful and wonderful kids are growing up. As much as I don't like it, time waits for no one. It is so sad that they are growing up so fast but it is something that can't be helped so we are going to enjoy every minute of it. :)

It's a girl!!!

On April 7th Brian and I became parents again offically for the 2nd time. It was also my 27th birthday on the 7th. A blessing from God all around. The first blessing was that he gave Brian and I the chance to be Trinity's partents for good and the 2nd blessing is that he gave me another wonderful year on his beautiful green earth. I am so very blessed in so many ways. First and foremost my biggest blessing is having God in my heart, him as my best friend and my forever savior. I wouldn't be anyone without him. My 2nd biggest blessing is that God gave me such a wonderful and awesome man to spend the rest of my life with. Brian is such a great man, husband, and most important, an awesome daddy. He is everything that I could ask for in a husband. My 3rd biggest blessing is that God has blessed me with two of the most beautiful and healthy children. Gage and Trinity are my life and are my sunshine. I thank God for them everyday and love more than they will ever know. Or at least until they have kiddos of their own, then they will know just about how much I love them.

Sweet Little Duke 2008-2010

R.I.P. Duke Holder 2008-2010

Well what started out being a bad day turned into a really bad day when I was on my way home from work tonight. One of our neighbors called me when I was almost home to tell me that I needed to stop by his house to pick Duke up b/c he was dead. I just started crying and asked him how it happened. He then told me that Duke was in his back yard and was playing with his dog, and then all the sudden Duke went under his fence to his other neighbors back yard and their dogs attacked him and ended up killing him. But for Duke's sake, he said that they killed him fast and I sure hope that they did b/c I would hate to think that he suffered. It has been so hard to deal with what happened. I can't be mad at the neighbors b/c we did let Duke outside without being on a leash but I can be mad at them for having such mean and scary dogs. I will forever love Duke and am missing him so much already. I am just thankful that Gage and Trinity are to little to know what is going on although they do know that something is wrong with mommy b/c I can't stop crying. I just pray that Duke is resting in peace now. I love you Duke, always have and always will little guy. You will be so missed.

Little Gage and his eye...

As many of you might know, my son Gage has had problems with his left eye since he was born. We thought at first that it was just a "lazy eye" well I finally got tired of him having to deal with it so I took him for a 2nd doctor (Dr. Henry) to look at it since the 1st doctor told us not to worry about it and that he would grow out of it. Come to find out, he has what is called "Amblyopia". Amblyopia is defined as poor vision in an otherwise normal eye that begins in childhood. The type that Gage has is called "Strabismic Amblyopia" and this is the most common type in children. The vision in that eye is unconsciously suppressed to prevent double vision. It doesn't matter whether the eye turns inward, outward, or vertically, deviates markedly, or drifts only slightly.

Early treatment is best for a child so I am so thankful that we caught it in time. The treatment that we are doing for Gage is to put drops into his right eye once a week. Every Monday we have to put the drops in his right eye to blur his vision even though it is is left eye that he is having problems with. From what Dr. Henry said in Gage's case, he has an extra muscle on his left eye and that is what is causing his left eye to float, wonder, and even get stuck from time to time. So what the drops are going to do is blur his vision in his right eye so it forces his brain to use his left eye in hopes that it will pull the left eye in towards the center where it is supposed to be and so that his brain can train itself to use both eyes. We have to do the drops for 10 weeks and then go back to see Dr. Henry to see if the drops are working. We are really praying that the drops work b/c he said the next step would to be patches and then surgery so we are praying that God wraps his loving and healing hands on Gage to cure his problem. :)

Gage and Trinity turn the big 2!!!

I can't believe that I am saying this, but both of my babies are now 2 years old. Sniff, sniff! :) I can't believe how fast a person's life can fly bye when you have kids. It seems just like yesterday we brought them home. Babies, they were just tiny little things and now they are walking, talking, and beating each other up from time to time over a toy. Even though I thank God for them and their health, I however find myself wishing that they would stop growing, well at least stop growing as fast as they are. They need to slow it down b/c before I know it, they will be senior's in high school. They are such a blessing to Brian and I and I am sooooo proud of them.

Since they turned 2, we threw them a birthday party and we had so much fun. They are really into anything Sesame Street so that was the theme of their party. Trinny loves Abby Cadabby and Gager loves Elmo or "Melmo" as he calls him. They got tons of new toys and tons of new clothes from all of our family and friends. Thank you to all that came to help us celecrate their 2nd birthday. Here are some photos from their special day.

Gage and Trinity's Sesame Street Cake

Singing Happy Birthday to the kiddos...

Blowing out their candles...

Gage enjoying his very green cupcake...

Trinity really enjoying her princess cupcake...

and finally, PRESENTS!!!

HOLDER FAMILY PICTURES

Well it took us a while to get family pictures taken but we finally got them done and we are very happy with them. We got them done at Portrait Innovations in Fayetteville down by Target and we will go back again. They were very friendly and had great prices. The lady who took our pictures was a real sweetheart and did good with the kiddos. Even though Gage and Trinity were acting like little monkey's, but I have to remember that they are only 2. They are such good and sweet babies and I am so proud of them.

Family Picture: Brian, Ryan, Gage and Trinity

My first born, sweet beautiful Trinity (2 years old)

My second born, my handsome sweet son Gage. (2 years old)

One rare moment that they weren't fighting... :)

March 2010